Ah Venezia, the cannals the palazzos, the gondolas, how romantic, isn't it? Well, no. I had been in Venezia on January 95. It was cold, foggy and wet. In fact, St Marks Square had been flooded for days before my arrival. Not very romantic, really. This time, I wanted to see the sunny face of Venezia, so we decided to go back there during our trip to Italy. It was hot, humid and full of tourists. No romanticism here, either. I can cope with that, to a certain degree. What I cannot cope with is lies and scams targeted at visitors. And we started the day with a big scam. Which we managed to avoid, but narrowly. And we are still angry about it as it seems to be done with the consent of Venezia's authorities. It involves the Tronchetto public car park.

Drive your car to Venezia and you will have to use an expensive car park. Right. I agree. Land is expensive there, so we agree to pay the 18 euros a day with the understanding that right outside the public car park there is a vaporetto stop from where we will be able to ride on public transportation to the city. As soon as we arrive to the car park, several car park assistants, in full official uniform, direct us to a specific floor where we are told to park our car in a specific space. As soon as we get out of the car, a swarm of these public car park employees direct us to the end of the car park, no discussion here, they are in charge, make us take a lift and give us quick explanations on how much to pay for public transport. Out of the lift and another employee points to a road which we are supposed to walk until we get to the public transportation. Several metres ahead, another employee directs us to a harbour. To our surprise, there is no public transportation (vaporetto) there. Only water taxis. The most expensive transportation in Venezia (apart from gondolas, that is). Other tourists jump in the water taxis and wait for us. We are told it's 10,50 euros. But we want the public transportation, which is 3,50 euros. We are told there is no public transportation. Water taxi, take it or walk 7 kilometres to Venezia city centre. When we do not accept the extorsionate prices and try to look up at our guide book, we are shouted at and insulted by the taxi drivers. We are told to get out of there and walk to Venezia, as we seem to know better than them, who have lived all their lives in Venezia. Other tourists are approaching behind us. It is obvious they do not want us to make them doubt about the only choice.

We return to the car park, where other car park employees are very annoyed at seeing us again back there, without having paid the water taxis. It is obvious they will not get their commission from our fares. With bad manners, we are told to walk to the other side of the car park, where finally, we see the public transportation signs and booths were we can buy our tickets. Seven euros give us a return ticket to Venezia, via the Grand Cannal. The water taxi is 10,50 euros one way. The tourists who accepted the extorsion will have to pay their return by public transportation later on in the day, when they realise they have no return ticket. By then, the car park assistants have already left the car park. Obviously, to avoid complaints from the angry returning tourists. All this in a public car park, managed by the Venetian authorities. Start your day this way and I assure you, romanticism is the last thing in your mind. Murder, blood and vengeance is all you think of!


Ah Venecia, los cannales, los palacios, las gondolas, que romantico, no? Pues no. Me explico. Estuve anteriormente en Venecia en enero de 1995. Hacia frio, niebla y llovia. De hecho, la Plaza San Marcos habia estado inundada durante una semana antes de mi llegada. De romantico, muy poco. Esta vez, queria ver la cara alegre de Venecia, asi que decidimos volver por un dia durante nuestras vacaciones en Italia. Hacia calor, humedad pegajosa y estaba lleno de turistas. De romanticismo, bien poco. Vale. Lo acepto, Venecia es una ciudad real y no de cuento de hadas. Pero lo que no acepto, de ninguna manera, son las mentiras y los enganios a los turistas. Y asi empezamos el dia. Al final, no nos enganiaron, pero nos fue de bien poco. Aun estamos enfadados, y aun mas si consideramos que la estafa esta perpetrada en el parking publico de Tronchetto con el consentimiento de las autoridades venecianas.

Si llegas en coche a Venecia, tendras que aparcarlo en un parking caro. No hay alternativa. Los terrenos son caros en Venecia, asi que estamos de acuerdo en pagar 18 euros al dia por aparcar el coche, sabiendo que hay una parada de vaporetto en el mismo parking que nos llevara hasta el centro de la ciudad. Al llegar al parking, un empleado con uniforme nos indica subir a un piso en concreto. Alli, otro empleado en uniforme, nos seniala el lugar justo donde aparcar. Nada mas bajar del coche, un enjambre de empleados en uniforme nos rodea y nos lleva hacia la salida del parking, mientras nos informan de los precios del vaporetto y las distintas opciones. Nos hacen bajar en ascensor hasta la calle, donde otro empleado en uniforme nos indica caminar calle abajo, hasta que otro empleado, tambien en uniforme, nos hace entrar en un muelle. Para nuestra sorpresa, no hay vaporettos (transporte publico) sino solo barcas-taxis, el transporte mas caro en Venecia (sin contar las carisimas gondolas, claro!). Otros turistas suben a los taxis sin rechistar, aceptando el precio extorsionante de 10,50 hasta Venecia centro. Nos negamos a subir al taxi, explicando que queremos transporte publico, vaporetto, que cuesta 3,50 euros por trayecto. Nos dicen que no hay transporte publico. O el taxi, o caminais hasta Venecia, y son 7 km. Cuando no aceptamos la extorsion y sacamos nuestra guia para ver donde esta la parada de vaporettos, los taxistas nos gritan e insultan. Nos gritan que nos larguemos de alli, que andemos hasta Venecia, ya que somos unos listillos que sabemos mas que ellos, que han nacido y vivido todas sus vidas en Venecia. Por detras se acercan otros turistas. Es evidente que los taxistas no quieren que les hagamos dudar de la unica opcion de transporte a Venecia.

Volvemos al parking. Los empleados, cuando nos ven, ponen mala cara. Claro, acaban de perder la comision que les dan los taxistas por cada pasajero que les sirven en bandeja. Con malos modos, nos gritan que nos dirijamos al otro lado del parking donde, finalmente, vemos carteles indicando transporte publico y las taquillas donde comprar los billetes. Siete euros y tenemos billetes de ida y vuelta a Venecia, en vaporetto y a lo largo del Gran Cannal El taxi son 10,50 euros solo ida. Los turistas que aceptaron la extorsion tendran que pagar el regreso al parking, usando transporte publico, al final del dia, cuando se den cuenta de que no tienen el regreso pagado. Por aquel entonces, los empleados del parking ya se han largado a casa. Obviamente, para evitar las quejas de airados turistas que se sienten estafados. Y todo esto sucede en un parking publico, construido y dirigido por las autoridades venecianas. Os puedo asegurar que empezando asi el dia, lo unico que no me viene a la cabeza es romanticismo. Mis pensamientos giran mas en torno al asesinato, venganza y rios de sangre, por poner un ejemplo!


The weather today:
Mostly Cloudy and Windy
18C
UV Index: 1 Low
Wind: From the West at 29 mph
Dew Point: 5C
Humidity: 42%
Visibility: 6 miles
Barometer: 1,002.0 mb

Back from holidays on Saturday and we were greeted with rain and wind. Lovely. Today I was told (again!) how lovely the weather had been here while I was abroad. Thank you, weather. Thank you very much. Aaaarrrghh!!
OK, I shouldn't complain. Apart from two cloudy, hot and humid days in Barcelona, the rest of the time was sunny, hot and humid in Italy. Very very humid in Rome. I was dissappointed with Rome. Noisy. Dirty. OK, I can live with that (for a while, just for a while, eh?) but I cannot live seeing beatiful Roman ruins being treated as if they were a pigsty. I saw that in Rome. For instance, just one example : A cat colony had been created in one of the spots with Roman ruins. The cats roamed freely there. Fine. Nothing against cats. But yes, lots lots lots against cats peeing and shitting in Roman ruins and smelling like hell. Is this the way of treating our historic past?? Another example : The Roman Forum. No signs indicating what was what. Weeds growing everywhere. One column thrown here, a lovely carved frieze thrown there. I then realised Romans do not especially love or appreciate their historic past. I suspect they don't give a damn. Of course it is more important to own the last thing in mobile phones or scooters. They will keep this and that monument so tourists keep coming, but the love I have seen in England for a bit of a Roman mosaic, carefully preserved and indicated by societies like English Heritage, this is not known in Italy. And that saddens me. Very much.


De vuelta de vacaciones este sabado y nos reciben la lluvia y el viento. Encantador. Hoy me han dicho (y otra vez!dale que te pego!) que hizo un tiempo estupendo mientras yo estaba fuera. Gracias, tiempo. Muchas gracias. Aaaarrrgghh!!!
Vale, no tendria que quejarme. A parte de dos dias nublados, calurosos y humedos en Barcelona, el resto del tiempo fue soleado, caluroso y humedo en Italia. Especialmente humedo y pegajoso en Roma. Hablando de Roma, me ha decepcionado. Sucia. Ruidosa. Vale, puedo vivir con eso (pero por poquito tiempo, eh?). Con lo que si que no puedo vivir es viendo ruinas romanas tratadas como si fueran una porqueriza. Y eso lo vi en Roma. Un ejemplo : en una de las zonas con ruinas romanas, el paso a visitantes estaba prohibido. Era una colonia de gatos callejeros protegida por el ayuntamiento. Cientos de gatos a su aire. Que me parece perfecto. Pero no en ruinas romanas. Muy mal que cientos de gatos se caguen y se meen en nuestro pasado historico. El lugar apestaba. Asi se trata a nuestro pasado historico?? Otro ejemplo : El Foro Romano. Ni un cartel indicando que es esto o que es aquello. Hierbajos por todas partes. Una columna tirada por aqui, un precioso relieve tirado por alla. Entonces me di cuenta de que los romanos de hoy en dia no aprecian o estiman especialmente su pasado historico. Sospecho que, en realidad, les importa un carajo. Es mas importante tener el ultimo modelo de telefono movil o scooter, por supuesto. Mantendran con minimo esfuerzo los monumentos para que los turistas sigan viniendo, pero el amor que he visto en Inglaterra por un pedacito de mosaico romano, cuidadosamente preservado y explicado por sociedades como English Heritage, no existe en Italia. Y me entristece. Mucho.


The weather today:
Partly Cloudy and Windy
18C
UV Index: 2 Low
Wind: From the Southwest at 33 mph
Dew Point: 10C
Humidity: 61%
Visibility: 10 miles
Barometer: 1,002.4 mb

Closed for holidays from 28th August to 12th September (both inclusive). Rome, here we go!


Cerrado por vacaciones del 28 de Agosto al 12 de Septiembre (ambos inclusive). Roma, alla vamos!

The weather today:
Light Rain and Windy
17C
UV Index: 0 Low
Wind: From the Southwest at 33 mph
Dew Point: 17C
Humidity: 97%
Visibility: 2 miles
Barometer: 1,008.8 mb

As usual from the brilliant Toothpaste for Dinner

WARNING: You may find the end of this post disturbing if you are a Catholic without a sense of humour!
I have been told booking museum tickets it's a must in Italy. Otherwise, we risk spending the rest of our holidays from queue to queue. So I am now checking prices and websites offering this service. I have found Select Italy , Florence Art and Weekend a Firenze . And if what you really really want is to attend an audience with the Pope (along with thousands of others, don't think it's going to be one-to-one chat!) then you can get tickets for free (how generous!) completing the online form here : The Church of Santa Susanna . I was really really toying with the idea of seeing the Pope. After all, it's like going to Disneyland and seeing Mickey Mouse, isn't it? So you go to the Vatican and see the Pope! Unfortunately the audiences only take place on Wednesdays. And we happen to arrive in Rome on a Thursday and leave on Sunday. Well...at least I saw Mickey in Disneyland last year! And he was very friendly. More than the Pope, I bet.



ATENCION : Las ultimas lineas de este post pueden herir la sensibilidad de catolicos sin sentido del humor.
Me han dicho que es esencial reservar entradas a los museos en Italia. Si no se hace asi, se corre el riesgo de pasar las vacaciones de cola en cola y tiro porque me toca. Asi que esta maniana he estado mirando precios y empresas que ofrecen este servicio. He encontrado Select Italy , Florence Art and Weekend a Firenze . Y si lo que de verdad (pero de verdad, eh?) quieres es una audiencia con el Papa (junto con otras mil personas, mas o menos, y a distancia, nada de tete-a-tetes, eh?), lo que hay que hacer es reservar entradas (gratis! que generosos!) rellenando el formulario aqui: The Church of Santa Susanna . Por un momento, la idea de ver al Papa en vivo y en directo me ha tentado. Despues de todo, es como ir a Disneyland y ver a Mickey Mouse, no? Vas al Vaticano y ves al Papa. Desafortunadamente, las audiencias solo tienen lugar los miercoles. Y nosotros llegamos a Roma en jueves y marchamos el domingo. Asi que, de Papa, nada de nada. Me consuelo pensando que, al menos, vi y abrace a Mickey en Disneyland el anio pasado. Y que simpatico era! Mas que el Papa, seguro.


The weather today:
Mostly Cloudy
19C
UV Index: 3 Moderate
Wind: From the West at 12 mph
Dew Point: 13C
Humidity: 68%
Visibility: 9 miles
Barometer: 1,006.8 mb

Gunnar Sorensen, Director of the Edvard Munch Museum in Oslo, defends Norway's policy of open doors and low security museums after the famous The Scream was stolen on Sunday. " We want an open museum. We don't want to be prisoners of high security policies not allowing visitors to have full accessibility to the paintings". When asked why there was no automatic closure of doors at the museum, he replied :"Imagine a bunch of desperate and armed thieves who cannot leave a room full of innocent visitors. No work of art is worth risking a human live". Meanwhile, the Norwegian Minister of Culture said he wants visitors to 'live' the paintings and "personally, I was very disappointed when I saw the Mona Lisa at the Louvre. It was placed inside a glass box and so far away I could almost no see it".

And I agree with his statement. As far as I know, the painting I saw at the Louvre could have been a colour photocopy and not the real Mona Lisa. The glass was dirty, it reflected the light and was hanging high up on the wall. I did not enjoy the experience. So The Scream has been stolen and now the world wants to blame the director of the museum. Maybe the world should think twice and blame the thieves and those who pay them, a bunch of selfish and bastard art 'collectors' who would like to keep all that's beautiful in this planet for themselves! Let's make that clear, right?


Gunnar Sorensen, Director del Edvard Munch Museum en Oslo, defiende la costumbre noruega de mantener sus museus abiertos al publico y con minimas medidas de seguridad, despues de que el famoso 'El Grito' fuera robado este pasado domingo. "Somos partidarios de un museo abierto. No queremos ser prisioneros de unas medidas que impidan la accesibilidad del público a las obras". El director del museo salio tambien al paso de las criticas vertidas por la falta de un sistema de cierre automatico de puertas. "Imaginen a unos ladrones armados y desesperados por no poder salir y con público en la sala. Ninguna obra de arte merece arriesgar una vida humana", aniadio Sorensen. Mientras, el Ministro de Cultura noruego declaro que en Noruega se prima que los visitantes puedan vivir las obras. "Quede muy decepcionado cuando en el Louvre vi la Mona Lisa dentro de una vitrina y a varios metros de distancia".

Y yo estoy de acuerdo con el Ministro. Por lo que yo vi de la Mona Lisa, desde bien lejos y con el cristal de la caja sucio, igual hubiera podido ser una fotocopia en color en lugar del autentico cuadro. Pero claro, ahora que han robado 'El Grito', hay que buscar a un culpable. Asi que el mundo entero acusa al director del museo. Quiza todo el mundo tendria que reflexionar un poquito y, en lugar de acusar al director, culpar a los verdaderos culpables : los ladrones. Y no solo ellos, sino a los que estan detras. Esos bastardos y egoistas 'coleccionistas' de arte que pagarian lo que fuera para tener, ellos solitos, todo lo que hay de bello en el mundo. A esos bastardos egoistas, hay que culpar, y no al director del museo Edvard Munch. Que quede bien claro.



The weather today:
Mostly Cloudy
17C
UV Index: 1 Low
Wind: From the West Southwest at 21 mph
Dew Point: 16C
Humidity: 92%
Visibility: 6 miles
Barometer: 1,004.7 mb

Bored at the hipermarket? Try these (old but good):
1. Get 24 condom boxes and randombly distribute them in other people's trolleys while they are not looking.
2. Set up all the alarm clocks at the 'Homeware' section so they ring at 5 minute intervals
3. Leave a ketchup trace on the floor on the way out of the toilets.
4. Approach a sales assistant and assertively tell them : code 3 at the homeware department. See how they react.
5. Move a 'Wet/Slippery floor' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a camping tent at the Outdoors&Garden department and tell other customers you'll only invite them in if they bring their own pillows from the Bedding department.
7. When a sales assistant asks you if they can be of any help, burst on tears and say :"Why don't you leave me alone?"
8. Position yourself in front of a CCTV camera, look straight at it and pick your nose.
9. While examining knifes, ask the sales assistant if they sell anti-depressant pills.
10. Walk with a suspicious gait down the aisle while whistling the "Mission Impossible" theme tune.
11. Try your 'Tin Man' look placing pots and pans on your head and arms.
12. Hide between rows of clothes and burst out screaming 'booooohoooo!' when other customers stop to examine the merchandise.
13. At hearing any 'customer announcement' lie on the floor in foetal position while moaning 'the voices, the voices!'.
14. Shut yourself in a fitting room and shout:'hey! there's not toilet paper here!".

Que nos aburrimos en el hipermercado? Probad las siguientes tacticas (es viejo, pero bueno):
1. Consigue 24 cajas de condones y colocalas al azar en los carros de la gente cuando no miren.
2.Programa todos los despertadores de la seccion hogar para que suenen en intervalos de 5 minutos.
3.Haz un rastro de zumo de tomate en el suelo camino de los servicios.
4.Acercate a un empleado y dile en tono serio: "codigo 3 en hogar". Y observa la reaccion.
5.Mueve una senial de "cuidado- suelo mojado" a una zona enmoquetada.
6.Monta una tienda de campania en el departamento de camping y diles al resto de los compradores que solo les invitas si traen almohadas del departamento de camas.
7.Cuando se te acerque una dependienta y te pregunte si te puede ayudar, empieza a llorar y pregunta: por que no me podeis dejar en paz?
8.Mira fijamente a la camara de seguridad y utilizala de espejo mientras pescas en tu nariz.
9.Mientras miras pistolas/cuchillos preguntale a la dependienta si sabe donde estan los anti-depresivos.
10. Anda por el supermercado de forma sospechosa mientras tarareas en alto la musica de mision imposible.
11.Prueba tu "look Hombre de hojalata" con diferentes embudos y ollas en cabeza y brazos.
12.Escondete entre los percheros y cuando la gente este echando un vistazo grita "cogeme, cogeme".
13.Cuando haya un aviso por megafonia ponte en posicion fetal mientras dices "otra vez las voces".
14.Metete en un probador y grita muy alto : eh! no hay papel!!!!

The weather today:
Mostly Cloudy
18C
UV Index: 4 Moderate
Wind: From the South Southwest at 23 mph
Dew Point: 14C
Humidity: 80%
Visibility: 10 miles
Barometer: 1,003.0 mb

At the office we have this little poster hanging on the wall:

Are you lonely?
Hate having to make decisions?
Rather talk about it than do it?

Then why not...

HOLD A MEETING

You can:
Get to see other people
Sleep in peace
Offload decisions
Learn to write volumes of meaningless notes
Feel important
Impress (or bore) your colleagues

And all in work time!!

'MEETINGS'
The Practical Alternative to Work


En la oficina tenemos colgado un poster con el siguiente texto:

Se siente solo?
Odia tomar decisiones?
Prefiere hablar antes que solucionar problemas?

Si este es su caso, por que no...

ORGANIZA UNA REUNION

De este modo podra:
Relacionarse con otras personas
Dormir con tranquilidad
Dejar que otros decidan por usted
Aprender a escribir interminables notas sin ningun sentido
Sentirse muy importante
Impresionar (o aburrir) a sus colegas

Y todo esto durante su horario laboral!

'REUNIONES'
La alternativa practica al trabajo


The weather today:
Showers in the Vicinity
20C
UV Index: 2 Low
Wind: From the West Southwest at 12 mph
Dew Point: 14C
Humidity: 68%
Visibility: 6 miles
Barometer: 1,002.0 mb

I've laughed many times when reading menus translated to English in a Spanish restaurant. Sometimes the translations are literal and grotesque. Like 'Dorada al horno' translated as 'Golden to the oven'. I can almost see what happened here. The restaurant owner had a pocket-size Spanish-English dictionary and no knowledge of English at all. His dictionary was not especialized enough to tell him that 'dorada' as an adjective translates as 'golden' but as a noun is the fish 'guilthead/seabream'. So we ended up getting a menu with 'Golden to the oven'which leaves the English tourists mistified, instead of the correct 'Oven-baked Seabream'. I have found a website which will solve this problem! It gives fish and seafood translations in Spanish, English, French and Catalan : Tomafish . No more confusion at the restaurant!


On the other hand, if you want to have a good laugh, look at this website : Hablando en Plata where you can get some Spanish expressions literally translated to English with hilarious results. As I said, have a good laugh...but don't use the English translations!


Cuantas veces me he reido con gusto al leer menus traducidos al ingles en restaurantes espanioles. Algunas veces la traducion es literal y grotesca. Por ejemplo, 'Dorada al horno' traducido como 'Golden to the oven'. Me imagino al duenio del restaurante, con un diccionario Ingles-Espaniol de bolsillo, sin tener ni idea de ingles, intentando traducir su menu para los turistas, con toda la buena intencion del mundo. Al no ser un diccionario especializado, 'dorada' (adjetivo) se traduce como 'golden', pero no se menciona que 'dorada' (sustantivo) es el pescado conocido en ingles como 'guilthead/seabream'. Asi que el menu acaba diciendo 'Golden to the oven', para total confusion de los turistas, en lugar de 'Oven-baked seabream'. Hoy he encontrado una pagina web que nos soluciona el problema. Nos da la traduccion de pescado y marisco en espaniol, ingles, frances y catalan : Tomafish . Se acabaron los menus indescifrables!


Claro que...si de verdad quieres reir un rato, no puedes dejar de echar una ojeada a esta pagina web : Hablando en Plata donde se dan las traducciones literales al ingles de tipicas frases hechas en espaniol. Es para partirse de risa...pero no para usarlas, eh?


The weather today:
Mostly Cloudy and Windy
20C
UV Index: 4 Moderate
Wind: From the South at 29 mph
Dew Point: 16C
Humidity: 79%
Visibility: 10 miles
Barometer: 996.6 mb

Now that we have been making our own bread at home with our bread machine for some months, we have realised slicing homemade bread is not that easy as it crumbles due to its softer consistency. I think the 'Slice Even' gadget would make our lifes easier - see above photo. Made from easy-clean, metallic-coloured polypropylene, with non-slip feet, integral crumb catcher and six thickness settings. I can get it for 14.50 pounds in the UK at Lakeland . We may go to our nearest shop this next weekend. That would be Chichester or Salisbury. Or maybe we will just buy it online!


Hace meses que horneamos nuestro propio pan en casa, con la maquina de hacer pan. El unico problema es que la consistencia del pan hecho en casa es diferente al pan de panaderia. Es mas blandito y mas dificil de cortar en rebanadas. Creo que el artilugio de la foto de arriba, el 'Slice Even' nos hara la vida mas facil. Fabricado en polipropileno de color metalico, con sistema anti-deslizamiento, bandeja para recoger migas y seis medidas diferentes para mayor o menor grosor de la rebanada. Cuesta 14.50 libras en el Reino Unido en Lakeland . Igual vamos a comprarlo a la tienda este fin de semana o quiza lo compremos en internet, si no tenemos ganas de ir hasta Chichester o Salisbury.


The weather today:
Mostly Cloudy
19C
UV Index: 2 Low
Wind: From the Southwest at 13 mph
Dew Point: 15C
Humidity: 79%
Visibility: 9 miles
Barometer: 1,001.4 mb